Ok so I know on my previous post I mentioned I would be looking at equipment, but due to the fact it’s stupidly long and I’m only half way through part one of god knows how many I thought I would write a post in the meantime!
So, here it is!
I thought this subject would be a good one due to many people asking me about my personal beliefs, even when talking these topics through scientifically and skeptically people always ask what my personal belief system is and what I, as an individual believe!
As a note for anyone reading this I do have a belief system in place, I have no solid evidence of my beliefs but in some strange way they comfort me! It is ever changing and will adjust accordingly to my life and any knowledge that is added to the life library in my noggin! Remember
Forget what you want to Believe, seek the truth and have the courage to believe that!
Well lets go back……far back!
When I was 4 maybe 5 years old I was given a book called the Encyclopedia of ghosts! This was given to me after mentioning a paranormal experience like it was a completely normal occurrence! It did not go unnoticed!
This book was read daily once I had the ability to deal with words with more than 3 syllables! If you like, this sudden outspoken moment was the beginning of an interest that would lead me down a rocky road of hiding my interests and avoiding humiliation from people who didn’t share a belief in the paranormal!
The motor had started and the fuel was more than enough to keep me going until I find an answer! it was my secret to keep for as long as I could hold it in!
My research over the years has adjusted my beliefs from ghost and spirits being dead people left to wander the earth until they complete unfinished business to them not existing at all and what I had experienced was a figment of our wonderfully misunderstood brains!
Although I am a big mouthed skeptic when it comes to the paranormal world, I am also a deeply spiritual person with a deep belief that something is continued once our bodies give in on us! I know almost all explanations for what maybe coming and remain comfortable that one day I will witness it! But I’m an impatient person and the “veil” so to speak has been lifted and witnessed by me too many times to just wait out the ride, I wanna fall into it knowing exactly what is happening and ensure that I eat up every part of it!
My research has sent me down some strange paths from practicing mediumship in an attempt to open up the same links I had as a child to invoking demons through witchcraft just to see what would happen! Ive trained myself to experience astral projection and provoked spirits that i felt were a danger to me! Most will see this as irresponsible but I have to be honest things did happen and I’m happy they did! I still can’t explain if these things came direct from the idea I had done them or if these were amazing spiritual encounters all I know is I’m still here I’m still researching and I would be a fool to think I wouldn’t try any of it again in the name of research!
I am tattoo’d with angelic artwork of the archangel michael and chamuel, I wear a silver angel wing around my neck, my lighter has a st Benedict’s coin embedded in it, i have a st christopher medallion on my car keys and a simular pin on my belt and I carry a small hex bag containing an obsidian arrowhead and citrine crystal! I would be hypercritical if I stated my research hasn’t affected my belief! In my belief these symbols and objects keep me protected outside of investigations (because let’s face it! You never know!!!)
I personally opted out of all protection rituals during investigations purely due to a need to bring anything good or bad to the table in order to gain insight! I’m unafraid of most things in the “spirit” world purely because I am driven by a need to understand it! Again a completely irresponsible move in the eyes of the true believers but so far I’m still around, I have been touched, pushed and even thrown in my 20 years of research I’ve witnessed full apparitions, shadow men, disembodied voices, as a child I spoke one to one with these “entity’s”, I’ve been pinned in my sleep by the infamous succubus on numerous occasions and I have been suddenly drained of all my energy in a very dangerous situation! Now considering this amount of activity in my rather short lifetime you would assume I would be a true blue 100% believer in the existence of ghosts!
Well no actually!
Think of it this way I could have felt like I had been touched due to temperature and humidity fluctuations in my surrounding atmosphere, I could of had a muscle spasm causing me to flinch which felt like I had been pushed, I could of experienced a trauma that day I was thrown and protected myself with overlapping memories of something easier to handle which in my case was the paranormal, I could of imagined seeing apparitions and talking to these “imaginary” friends, are the shadow people just my own brains inability to focus on my peripheral vision?, was I suffering with sleep paralysis due to some added stress in my life?, was my energy drained due to the shock of a situation I had found myself in?
These are the things that people like to cut out to make an experience point more towards the paranormal! Research shows me that these things aren’t always paranormal and each one deserves its chance of a thorough explanation!
So as for my belief…..
As GPR’s lead investigator explained when we first met:
“I am not a believer, I am a knower!”
I know these things happen I have no doubt in my mind! But what field investigating has brought forward to me is never trust what is thrown in your face! The paranormal world has shown me they do not deserve an explanation or help from the scientific community, they are the loud boisterous children that hit each other and get their toys taken away! Our Victorian friends ensured that fate!
This has made me skeptical of anything put forward to me from the outset then build a case for each individual piece!
My belief is the ever changing knowledge I gain through research, I believe is that one day we will find out the difference between a child’s creative imagination and the subtle overlap in dimensions that a lucky few get to witness!
So to sum it up!
I don’t know what I believe, I don’t know what theory is the correct path so for now ill just know these things exist and use what knowledge i can until the evidence unravels to me which direction to continue!